Clarity

All this time I've spent terrified,
that with distance would come clarity,
that intensity does not ensure longevity,
that it would be an impossibility
to ignore that intentionality
is paramount to how I love
and in abundance - this you lack,
with respect to me, undoubtedly,
and truly that concludes this matter.
No resentment, just acceptance.
Upon reflection,
it is easier to pour love into a bottomless vessel,
that from which rejection is certain.
This dreaded lack of perspective
promises no desirable objectives
- I fear cyclical, repetitive,
and yet my faith, which you ridicule,
dictates destiny, irrelative.

NHG

Chemistry

The contrast between that dark hair and those striking blues eyes,

You turned and it was like the last piece of wire completing the circuit;

Your gaze was electric, I felt the current surging through my veins

It’s physics really, but I think that’s what they call Chemistry.

Paint the World Orange

“My beautiful baby boy”
She sobbed, tracing the words on the gravestone
Her eyes swollen, dipped in crimson
The tears no longer fell like waterfalls
They were lost in the muddy earth
Where they belonged -
Where her world did not.

“Forever I love you,

Forever I care,
Whenever you need me,
I promise I’m there”

But she wasn’t there,
Not when the three bullets shattered her baby’s skull,
Not when the ear-splitting shots rang out around the campus grounds,
Not when her son’s body lay crumpled on the floor.
She wasn’t there when that metallic monster robbed her of her happiness.

“The bullets went straight through” they said
“His death was painless – instantaneous”
But there’s nothing painless about daggers in the heart
Or the paralyzing fear the mayhem ensued,

Moments before his final breath.
What were his last thoughts?
Maybe of his swing;
Of those hot summer days
When she’d push him and he’d laugh,
Swearing he could touch the sky.
They’d drink sweet, cold peach tea
And count the stars from the porch until he fell asleep

She’d carry him to his bed and tuck him in
Whispering those words as he stirred; their promise.
How perfect were days passed, days spent just like this
Moments never forgotten, now only hers to cherish

Five winters now gone, the hardest time of year
Chills run down her spine as shell casings shower the roof sheets.
Short winter days to mirror her grief
As empty, longing eyes survey that beloved old swing.

“Whenever you need me,
I promise I’m there”

But she wasn’t there,
Not when that bloodthirsty intruder pulled his trigger,
Not when the bullets flew from their death barrel,
Not when the walls were splattered red, her son’s life on a fresh canvas,
She wasn’t there as his final masterpiece was scrubbed clean.

3 bullets, 1 target, 2 victims died that day,
It was a safe space - for learning
But for a hunter, psychotic they claim.
He carried death in his arms;
Gleaming in destruction, lustful for life.

The system failed her baby,
Godforsaken pistols, valued more than her son’s life
She’d paint the whole world orange for one more chance;

One more summer’s day,
To see her sun touch the sky.

Promise Me

Promise me this one thing
That when you leave;
When I'm no longer good enough for you,
That you'll have the decency to look me in the eye
Before you stick that knife into my back
And watch the blood trickle down my spine

NHG

Scattered in the Wind

It's like every single piece of you
Is being pulled in an opposite direction
And you know exactly how this ends;
With your blood all over the pavement
And your secrets scattered in the wind.

NHG

The Mess That I've Become

I thought you’d finally left me alone,
I was dumb enough to believe that I’d woken up to find you gone
But it was just the calm before the storm - nothing more than an illusion
Because you’re a bloody hurricane and you rip me to shreds
You taunt me and toy with me
I’m stupid enough to believe that you’re someone I can escape
Life’s just a never ending cycle of torture
You let me recover, just to have it start back up all over again
You watch me heal, only to stand there and drain me of all but my very last ounce of hope
I hate you more than I know how to hate
And it kills me because all I want to do is break, but I can’t
Because no one’s here to pick up the broken pieces
And I’m scared, I’m scared that I’m always going to feel this way;
That I’m always going to feel alone,
That I’m always going to hurt in places that I can’t even reach
I’m scared of the mess that I’ve become

NHG

Something Worth Loving

She couldn’t; or wouldn’t rather, meet his gaze
She knew that he’d see it eventually, that they’d all see it in her eyes;
How desperately she wanted him to save her
How scared she was that he wouldn’t be able to
Or worse still, that he wouldn’t want to;
That he’d never feel for her the way that she knew she could feel for him
She couldn’t let herself fall; she wouldn’t
Because it’s a dangerous game she’d be playing;
Placing her heart in the hands of a stranger;
Her broken heart that can’t seem to stop bleeding,
In the hands of a man who already has something worth loving.

NHG